Dating is great...IF you feel safe and are treated with respect by your boyfriend or girlfriend. Dating violence can happen in any romantic relationship, whether heterosexual or homosexual, and the abuser can be a guy or a girl - although most of the time, we see girlfriends who are being abused by their boyfriends. About one in three high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship.(1)

Are you are going out with someone who:

Physically hurts you (i.e. hits, kicks, pushes, etc.) or threatens to hurt you?
Pressures or forces you to make out or to have sex or refuses to use a condom?
Puts you down or calls you names?
Is possessive and jealous and/or won’t let you spend time with your friends?
Bosses you around?
Abuses drugs or alcohol and pressures you to take them too?
Makes you feel scared or makes your family and friends worried about your safety?

If you answered yes to any of these, you may be in an abusive relationship.

If you’re not sure, think about whether your boyfriend or girlfriend uses any of the following tactics to gain power and control over you:

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What Can I Do?

If you think you’re in an abusive relationship, there are lots of things you can do to get help:

Tell an adult you trust: a parent, teacher, doctor, counselor, pastor/rabbi/etc., or adult friend.
Call a hotline to talk with someone who can help. In Massachusetts, call the SafeLink Hotline at 1-877-785-2020; in other States, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233). If you have been sexually assaulted, call the RAINN Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673). All of these hotlines have someone available 24 hours and are toll-free.
Tell a school security officer, counselor, administrator, or someone else who can help keep you safe at school.
Don’t meet up with your boyfriend or girlfriend alone and don’t walk anywhere alone if you think he or she could find you; always tell someone where you’re going and what time you expect to be back.
Plan and practice what you would say and do if your boyfriend or girlfriend does something abusive.
Write down any incidents of abuse that you can remember and any that occur in the future.

If Your Friend is Being Abused:

If they don’t think they’re being abused, talk to them about your concerns and show them this website.
Tell them it’s not their fault and they don’t deserve to be treated that way. Believe them and tell them they’re not crazy.
Don’t swear to secrecy - this is a big deal and may be too much for you to handle on your own...you may need to talk to an adult you trust.
Don’t spread gossip - it could make the situation worse and put them in danger.
Encourage them to talk to a trusted adult and/or to call one of the hotlines listed above. Or call one of the hotlines yourself and explain the situation.
Help them find medical attention if they have been hurt or sexually assaulted in any way.
Encourage them to seek out a support group and/or to take a self-defense course.
Keep supporting them, even if they make a decision you don’t agree with. It is often really hard to leave an abusive relationship and it may take a long time.

If you are in the Boston area, the AWAKE (Advocacy for Women and Kids in Emergencies) Program at Children’s Hospital provides extensive individual and group domestic violence advocacy and intervention services for battered adult and adolescent women. For more information about AWAKE, please call 617-355-4760.

The following are some really good Internet resources that have more information on teen dating violence:

Love Is Not Abuse
Trust Betrayed
New Beginnings
Rape Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN)

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